Ya Rab

Ya Rab. Aku adalah seorang wanita islam. Aku satu dari sekian hamba-Mu. Setidaknya dari hembusan nafasku, aku menyadari bahwa aku percaya pada-Mu. Walau bukan jemaat-Mu yang taat, aku tetap meyakini bahwa Kau nadiku.

Ya Rab. Aku salah. Dan meski telah kusadari kesalahanku, tetap saja aku mengulang dan mengulangnya lagi. Dan di tengah keluh kesahku, aku memohon, “maafkan aku“

Ya Rab. Aku sakit. Sakit dengan segala hal yang telah Kau larang sebelumnya, sakit karena mengabaikan-Mu, sakit karena tidak memilih-Mu untuk kucintai sepenuh hatiku. Dan di dalam sujudku, aku meminta, “sembuhkan aku“

Ya Rab. Aku merasa serba kekurangan. Aku makhluk yang mahatidaksempurna, dan tetap saja menyombongkannya. Dan di serak doaku, aku memohon, “sempurnakan aku“

Ya Rab. Aku sendiri. Aku sepi karena jauh dari-Mu, aku selalu merasa sunyi karena tidak tulusku meminta Kau tetap disampingku. Dan di tegak shalatku, aku meminta, “temani aku“

Ya Rab. Aku tahu Kau selalu menungguku. Aku akan belajar mengabdi di jalan-Mu. Ya Rab. Terimalah aku. Tuntun aku agar mendapatkan tempat di sisi-Mu. Ya Rab. Beri aku kekuatan, beri aku peringatan agar tidak lagi melalaikan-Mu. Ya Rab. Kini ku bersimpuh pada-Mu.

“Dengarkan doaku“

Saya Postkan Surat Ini Untuk Kakak Saya, Andy Hardiyanti Hastuti (Selamat Menempuh Hidup Baru)

Tuhan, kini aku temukan kekasih-Mu, dan kujadikan kekasihku juga. Agar aku tambah dekat dengan-Mu. Agar senantiasa dia tunjukkan jalanku menuju-Mu.

Agar ketika kulihat wajahnya, aku dapati bayangan-Mu. Agar ketika kulihat geraknya, aku sadar untuk selalu bersujud kepada-Mu. Agar ketika tak kudengar suaranya, aku teringat bisik doaku untuk-Mu. Agar ketika tak kutemukan dirinya, aku juga akan merindukan-Mu.

Tuhan. Jika benar dia yang Kau pilihkan untukku, jadikan dia imamku, jadikan dia penjaga hatiku agar tetap mencintai-Mu, mencintainya.

Secondhand Serenade - Something More

I lie awake again, my bodies feeling paralysed
I can’t remember when
I didn’t live through this disguise
The words you said to me
They couldn’t set me free

I'm stuck here in this life I didn’t ask for
There must be something more,
Do we know what we’re fighting for?

Breathe in breathe out

And all these masks we wore
We never knew what we had in store

Breathe in breathe out

The storm is rolling in
The thunders loud it hurts my ears

I'm paying for my sins
And it's gonna rain for years and years

I fooled everyone and now what will I become?
I have to start this over
I have to start this over

There must be something more,
Do we know what we’re fighting for?

Breathe in breathe out

And all these masks we wore
We never knew what we had in store

Breathe in breathe out

I fooled everyone and now what will I become?
I have to start this over
I have to start this over

There must be something more,
Do we know what we’re fighting for?

Breathe in breathe out

And all these masks we wore
We never knew what we had in store

Breathe in breathe out
There must be something more
Breathe in breathe out
There must be something more

FAJRUL

Terlalu banyak pura pura sayang, padahal itu semua hanya untuk beberapa kata sederhana "aku masih terlalu mencintai mu". Menyinggung hal yang kebetulan menyinggung mu, padahal bukan kamu. Serius sayang, bukan kamu. Mungkin sekedar menarik perhatianmu. Maaf sayang, aku sudah kehilangan akal untuk mencintaimu dengan benar. Aku benar benar kehilangan akal seperti apa untuk membuatmu seperti FAJRUL

Saya Temukan Ini, Jauh di Sudut Kanan Hatimu

Jauh.. Iya jauh juga dalam. Dan ketika mencoba lebih dalam lagi, aku menemukan kertas lusuh yang tidak ingin kau ungkap. Tintanya semakin pudar, mungkin terlalu rapat kau singkap. Sepertinya untukku atau untuknya atau wanita lain, entahlah aku kurang tahu pasti. Ini lirik lagu, puisi, atau mungkin cuma sekedar curahan hati lamamu

Jangan mengejarnya
Jangan mencarinya
Dia yang kan menemukanmu
Kau mekar di hatinya
Di hari yang tepat

Jangan mengejarku
Jangan mencariku
Aku yang kan menemukanmu
Kau mekar di hatiku
Di hari yang tepat
       
Tidaklah mawar hampiri kumbang
Bukanlah cinta bila kau kejar
Tenanglah tenang dia kan datang
Dan memungutmu ke hatinya yang terdalam

Bahkan dia takkan bertahan tanpamu

Sibukkan harimu
Jangan pikirkanku
Takdir yang kan menuntunku pulang kepadamu
Di hari yang tepat

Tidaklah mawar hampiri kumbang
Bukanlah cinta bila kau kejar
Tenanglah tenang aku 'kan datang
Dan memungutmu ke hatiku yang terdalam

Bahkan 'ku takkan bertahan tanpamu

Aku yang 'kan datang

Mungkin ini jawaban dari pertanyaanku 3 hari lalu, yang memang sudah kutagih dari 10 bulan yang lalu. Aku harap seperti itu, karena sangat menenangkan apabila memang seharusnya seperti itu.

The Stiff Dylans - Ultraviolet

She's a wave and she is breaking
She's a problem to solve
and in that circle she's making
I will always revolve

And on her sight
These eyes depend
Invisible and Indivisible

That fire you ignited
Good, bad and undecided
Burns when I stand beside it
Your light is ultraviolet

Visions so insane
Travel unraveling through my brain
Cold when I am denied it
Your light is ultraviolet
Ultraviolet

Now is a phase and it's changing
It's rotating us all
Thought we're safe but we're dangling
and it's too far to survive the fall

And this I know
It will not bend
Invisible and indivisible

That fire you ignited
Good, Bad and undecided
Burns when I stand beside it
Your light is ultraviolet

Visions so insane
Travel unraveling through my brain
Cold when I am denied it
Your light is ultraviolet,
ultraviolet

That fire you ignited
Good, Bad and undecided
Burns when I stand beside it
Your light is ultraviolet

Visions so insane
Travel unraveling through my brain
Cold when I am denied it
Your light is ultraviolet,
ultraviolet

Your light is ultraviolet

Visions so insane
Travel unraveling through my brain
Cold when I am denied it
Your light is ultraviolet
Ultraviolet

Eminem - Mocking Bird

[Intro]
Yeah
I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now
But hey, what'd daddy always tell you?
Straighten up little soldier
Stiffen up that upper lip
Whatchu crying about?
You got me.

[Verse 1]
Hailie, I know u miss your mom
And I know u miss your dad when I'm gone
But I'm tryin' to give you the life that I never had
I can see your sad
Even when you smile
Even when you laugh
I can see it in your eyes
Deep inside you wanna cry
Cuz you're scared
I ain't there,
Daddy's with you in your prayers
No more cryin'
Wipe them tears
Daddy's here
No more nightmares
We gonna pull together through it
We gon' do it
Lainie's uncle's crazy ain't he, yeah
But he loves you girl and you better know it
We're all we got in this world
When it spins
When it swirls
When it whirls
When it twirls
Two little beautiful girls
Lookin' puzzled, in a daze
I know it's confusing you
Daddy's always on the move
Mama's always on the news
I try to keep you sheltered from it
But somehow it seems, the harder that I try to do that
The more it backfires on me
All the things, growin' up
As daddy, daddy had to see
Daddy don't want you to see
But you see just as much as he did
We did not plan it to be this way,
Your mother and me
But things have got so bad between us
I don't see us ever being
Together ever again
Like we used to be like when we was teenagers
But then of course
Everything always happen for a reason
I guess it was never meant to be
But it's just something
We have no control over
And that's what destiny is
But no more worries
Rest your head and go to sleep
Maybe one day we'll wake up
And this will all just be a dream

[Chorus]
Now hush little baby don't you cry
Every thing's gonna be all right
Stiffin' that upper lip up little lady I told ya
Daddy's here to hold ya through the night
I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why
We fear how we feel inside, it may seem a little crazy
Pretty baby but I promise, Mama's gon' be alright

[Verse two]
It's funny,
I remember back one year when daddy had no money
Mommy wrapped the Christmas presents up
And stuck 'em under the tree
And said some of 'em were from me,
Cuz daddy couldn't buy 'em
I'll never forget that Christmas
I sat up the whole night crying
Cuz daddy felt like a bum,
See daddy had a job, but his job
Was to keep the food on the table for you and mom
And at the time every house that we lived in
Either kept getting broken into and robbed or shot up on the block
And your mom, was saving money for you in a jar
Tryna to start a piggy bank for you
So you could go to college
Almost had a thousand dollars
'Till someone broke in and stole it
And I know it hurt so bad it broke your mamma's heart
And it seemed like everything was just starting to fall apart
Mom and dad was arguing a lot
So mama moved back on to Chalmers in a flat
One bedroom apartment
And dad moved back to the other side of 8 mile on Novara
And that's when daddy went to California with his CD
And met Dr. Dre and flew you and Mama out to see me,
But daddy had to work, you and mama had to leave me,
Then you started seeing daddy on the TV
And mama didn't like it
And you and Lainnie were too young to understand it
Papa was a rollin' stone, mama developed a habit
And it all happened too fast for either one of us to grab it
I'm just sorry you were there and had to witness it firsthand
Cuz all I ever wanted to do was just make you proud
Now I'm sittin' in this empty house,
Just reminiscing. Looking at your baby pictures it just trips me out
To see how much you both have grown it's almost like you're sisters now
Wow, guess you pretty much are and daddy's still here
Lainnie I'm talking to you too daddy's still here
I like the sound of that, yeah
It's got a ring to it don't it
Shhh, mama's only gone for the moment

[Chorus]
Now hush little baby don't you cry
Every thing's gonna be all right
Stiffin' that upper lip up little lady I told ya
Daddy's here to hold ya through the night
I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why
We fear how we feel inside, it may seem a little crazy
Pretty baby but I promise, mama's gon' be alright

[End chorus]
And if you ask me to, daddy's gonna buy you a mocking bird
I'ma give you the world, I'ma buy a diamond ring for you,
I'ma sing for you, I'll do anything for you to see you smile
And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine
I'ma break that birdie's neck, I'll go back to the jeweler
Who sold it to ya
And make him eat every carat
Don't fuck with Dad (ha ha)